a lot on my mind

Recently there has been a lot of my mind, mainly worrying about school and money :/ I got an email from the school saying that I'm over the 90 credit units so I cannot receive my grant money or loan money. So I freak out of course, turns out the count all my credits from the old school I went to back when I was a retard and never went to class when I was 18 :/

So I filled out a waiver yesterday, told the girl I had a 3.76 GPA and I'm president of the honor society in the fall and she thinks it should be no problem. I mean really if some of the people I know that have gotten a waiver can get one with all the classes they sucked so bad at, I should have no problem. Only issue is I won't find out if my waiver passes until right before the semester starts O.o Stressing me out!! I cannot afford $400 for my books without that money :(

Lets hope some crap works out for the good for once!

Ahh the girly art of doing your nails and toes!

Thanks to a friend of mine, I am now obsessed with doing my nails and toes! It all started off with a swirly nail design, sounds cool right? It's a pain in the butt! Butttt it looks awesome! Here is how mine turned out :D

Well as most of us females that ever paint our nails know it doesn't seem to last long unless you have acrylic, so I took it off today because it had been chipping all over my damn house, and i did something different :)

My nails are now leopard, and I have a quick few pics on step by step :D

First do a clear base coat, then white (normally you have to do a few layers of the white to get it so it's not all streaky)

Once the white is dry you need a black nail art pen (you can get them pretty much anywhere) free hand a leopard print design on, leaving enough open spaces for the colors you are going to put on later.

Once that is dry apply your colors (I did mine inside of the circles I made)

And tada!! you have awesome nails that you didn't have to pay an arm and a leg for! :D

These are the colors I used for mine :)

Once I was done with my nails I decided I wanted to do zebra on my toes :)

once again start with a clear base coat, once dry choose your color and apply a few layers


Once dry add your sparkle polish, mine matches the color of the no sparkle polish that way I don't need to do 14 layers of sparkle that will NEVER come off later :P



Once dry get that black nail art pen again and free hand your zebra design :)

tada!! once again you did it at home and didn't have to fork over your money for food for the next month!



and these are the colors I used :)


I wish I could say these three were allllll my idea, but hey I'm not a jerk like that. This chick has videos on how to do each of the three that I have done so far, as well as other ones I have not tried before :) http://www.beautylish.com/profile/yivcy/videos

Happy painting!! :D

Family

So my mom and step dad Bob were out over the weekend from VA, and I was so happy to see them! I cannot wait to move and be close to them again!

I wish they could have stayed longer, but I feel blessed that I was able to see them at all <3 I love my family and miss them dearly.

I know it's much worse for my mom to not only be away from her only child, but her only grandchild as well, she loves him so much and I think he even remembered who she was when they got here <3

Now if I could only win the lottery so we could move close to them now verses having to wait 3 more years that would be amazing!

Me, my mom, Brendan and my step dad Bob <3

Father's Day

I know I'm a little late but Happy Father's Day to all the daddies out and about :)

This was Dave's second Father's Day :D Brendan was so tiny last year! He has grown up so much, and Dave has been an amazing dad through the whole thing <3

I love my boys with everything that I am!

Dave wearing the shirt "Brendan" made him <3

Happy First Birthday Emily

Today would have been Emily's first birthday, but she will be celebrating from heaven today instead. She is loved and missed more than anyone could ever express. Emily was only 1 month and 2 days old when she left us to be an angel, so today myself, along with a bunch of her other friends all released a balloon up to heaven for her, I hope she gets them all and sees how much she is loved <3 Emily please keep watch over your momma and your big brother, they need you now and always <3

goal

So I decided to set my weight loss goal a little lower, instead of going for my ultimate goal I'm going to do small ones to get to it :) As of right now my goal is to loose 7 1/2 more pounds by the end of July. Of course I would like it to be sooner than that, but still ;)

I tried on my size 14 jeans today, good news is I can get them over my legs and butt, but I still have about 5 inches or so in my waist to loose to get the fastened lol...but that's not too horrible right?

I can do this!!

not really sure why...

today I got to thinking about friends that I have that cannot have children. Or even the ones who have had a really really hard time getting pregnant and having a sticky pregnancy.

I feel blessed that I have a beautiful healthy baby boy, yes he can be a handful at times but eh such is motherhood I guess.

We did loose our first pregnancy which will always hurt me, and Dave for that matter. I even got a tattoo on my left wrist to remember the baby by. But even with that pain we were able to have our son.

Some people in life never get the chance to be parents, and it makes me sad. I see all these little 16 year old girls running around knocked up, no issues with their pregnancy at all, then I think of the baby we lost, of all the babies my friends have lost, and my friends that cannot get pregnant, and it all just doesn't make sense to me.

I know religious people will say "it's all in God's plan" but really it's crap. I wish there was a way to bless all the couples that have been trying to children with their wish, for my friends that have had numerous miscarriages for that to have all gone away.

Life sometimes just isn't fair, at all. It saddens me some days. We got lucky, we have our child, and even if we cannot have more, we at least have him. Some people will never get that chance, it makes me heart hurt.

There are so many deserving couples that would be amazing parents that never get that chance, all while these stupid immature uneducated 16 year old on Teen Mom have no issues >.<

*SMH* *sigh*

man it feels good!

I took Brendan on a walk today to Kohl's, there is one about 1/2 mile away. I had one of those $10 off a $10 or more purchase, so essentially $10 free, and being a woman I of course had to spend it before it was no longer good!

I went over to the women's section, because heaven forbid ANYONE with a shape try to go to juniors, nothing will fit! News flash! Girls have tits and ass, so make some clothes that are made to fit those parts!

Anyway, normally I get all my jeans and whatnot from Lane Bryant, well because since I'm a bigger girl and have a big butt, they are normally the only ones that fit me. I don't like their tops though btw, guess with big girl clothes you should have no shape just like juniors, weird how that works right?

So I grab a few pair of capris, I don't wear shorts so this is the closest I get. ALL of them that i grabbed FIT me! wth?! I am NOT used to that happening! Granted they were all size 16s, but my point is I was in a normal store, not in the big girls section, and they all fit me! :O

Needless to say I was a happy camper, I choose my favorite pair, picked out a frame for Dave for Father's Day that says "superdad: not all super heros wear capes" and got Brendan a red white and blue outfit for next month, the shirt says "I'm a great catch" with a baseball, cute right!?

I am very pleased with my shopping trip, only thing I didn't like about it was I tried on one of those long flowy summer dresses, SUPER cute on me, but damn if the thing wasn't a foot too long! Damn being short...

mom on Father's Day

I am so excited! My mom and step dad will be here next weekend for Father's Day. They want to go up to Sequoia National Park on Father's Day, which I think is a great idea, because that's where Dave and I went with Brendan last year too :D

I feel blessed with having my mom be such a close friend of mine, I talk to her almost everyday, and I wish I could see her more.

I feel selfish sometimes as three of my good friends have all lost their mothers in the past few years, but I will never take her for granted again. Every time I talk to her I tell her that I love her.

I cannot wait to see her! Hell I cannot wait to move back to the east coast and be close to her again <3

guess you could say I'm a bit of a momma's girl!

changed!

I changed the look of my layout thanks to a dear friend of mine telling me about a site she got her layout from :) It looks much better!

I do a lot of scrapbooking, so I love that my page now looks like it is a scrapbook page :D

Thanks Angela! :D

wow I feel immature!

So I know it is really really lame, but I'm getting all butt hurt about some of my FB friends. I see they comment on other peoples pictures, videos, posts whatever, but they never say anything on any of mine.

Makes me feel lame, like no one cares what I put up :/

I know, I'm being 12 tonight apparently.

gone

Gone are the days of newborn cries, replaced by cries of mama. Gone are the days of sleeping on my chest for comfort, replaced by not ever sitting still. Gone are the days of breastfeeding round the clock, replaced by sippy cups full of whole milk. Gone are the days of no food- just mom, replaced by not being able to eat anything on my own without sharing. Gone are the days of my son being a super dependent baby, replaced by him growing up into an independent toddler.

I will never forget the days of him being an infant, I will treasure them always. I try not to be sad about the fact that my little baby isn't so little anymore, but look at the future and all the amazing things he will do.

Brendan mommy loves you with all her heart, don't you ever forget that monkey <3

so much for a playdate

We were supposed to have a play date for our little man this morning. He doesn't get hardly any time around other children his age, so of course I was looking forward to it.

Well I guess the one baby was at the hospital all night, which blows, and the other just never called, texted or anything...

figures.

I need friends with babies my son's age around here!

two feet!!!!

On a good note today, I did my measurements like I do on the first of the month (I have been since March) and I lost 14 1/4 inches this past month!

I may not like Jillian Michaels, but her workouts are for damn sure working!

In the past three months I have now lost 24 1/4 inches!

That is two freakin feet!!! which means not much smaller than my kid O.O

creeper alert!!!

So I took my little man for a long walk to a park about 1 1/2 miles down the street or so. We are playing in the grass and two other moms with their little ones walk up to me and ask if I know this guy sitting in a car in the parking lot. I'm like uh no, why. So they tell me this guy has been watching them, and their daughters, getting out of his car, getting back in. Moving is car to different spots in the parking lot for like an hour. Never talking to anyone or doing anything other than the creepy things mentioned above.

So the half hour we were there the guy was still doing all these things, it really weirded me out, so I called the cops on the guy. The dispatch told me there was some shooting going on (O.O) so they would send someone out as soon as they could.

Nothing like going to the park on a nice day and calling the cops :/

over it

I'm over "friends" the only real ones I feel like I have aren't in the same effing state as me. A few people that live here in town that I used to consider best friends have pretty much been missing in my life. My "best friend" works way too much, and when she isn't at work she is with her boyfriend, who annoys me. It sucks because I love her and miss her, and she is pretty much no longer in me and my sons life, when I used to see her multiple times a week.

Another one left her douche bag husband, and talked all kinds of shit about him, how horrible he was this that in the other, then took his ass back. And since then, I have seen her twice...in like 4 months. Keep in mind she lives like 5 minutes from me. I do NOT like her husband, at all. There is something about him that I cannot stand, that and he drinks too much. So I tell her I don't like him, I don't think he is good for her etc. and she's all "he's changed, and I don't drink anymore" and I don't believe it for a minute. She is an awesome strong woman, and he just idk how to explain it. She's not at her best with him even though she tells me "she is soooo happy" yea sorry I don't believe it.

I'm over it, I hate this town and most of the people in it. I'm tired of opening myself up to people, and then all of a sudden they don't give a crap anymore. I want people in my life that truly care for me and my family, and won't just disappear as soon as something else happens, real friends don't do that shit. End of story.

Oh yea and I'm sorry I don't want to get drunk with you and your husband and his rude obnoxious ass friends while your kids and mine are asleep, that is NOT my idea of good parenting.

**end of rant**